It's funny I say to myself no more deep hard stuff just really random blog posts but I struggle. I grew up in a Christian family and I never had to make a decision about going to church, I never had to make a decision about reading the bible and in some ways I never really noticed myself making a decision to trust in Jesus.
It's just always been that way. Every Sunday I go to church. No matter where I am or what I need to do I go. So that day I complained about being sleepy and I actually didn't have to go I didn't know what to do. It's like all these things I've done all my life suddenly I'm not doing it cos I have to.
I don't even know what happened from there but there's just a time you suddenly look at your life and you realise you drifted away. For someone like me all my life I've grown up being a Christian, living like one, reading the bible everyday and just being absorbed in learning and wanting to know, wanting to find out more.
Some time in Hong Kong I realised I lost that. I lost that passion. I lost that contentment. I lost my satisfaction. It's funny all that time I didn't change. Nothing appeared different except I got snappy but everyone just thought must be her monthly. To be honest I realised without God I'm lost. All my life I've had Him. All my life I've been sheltered from a life without salvation.
I didn't know how to say any of this until today. Until just now. But i remember one day just knowing i had enough. Knowing that I've screwed. I just remember going psalm 13:5 I don't know why but I alway have this thing where if you remember something so randomly you just have to read it. Sometimes it might not relate; sometimes it will. It had been like a few weeks since I had properly read a bible and I just remember reading psalm 13.
It's while reading that, I just felt like it was everything in my life summed up. It's funny it starts off as David begging God to show himself to him and just really going he's lost and doesn't know what to do. The part that got me most though, was verse 5 and 6. Up until then I seriously doubted whether I was still a Christian. I doubted whether I was really willing to give up everything. I doubted whether I loved Jesus with any of my heart let alone all of it. Just reading that I realised I never lost faith. I never doubted Gods love and I never lost faith in Jesus.
Wow. It's good to get that all outta my brain. But I'm still lost as ever. I still don't know what I'm doing. I guess I'm only just rediscovering God again.
xxx Jo
Monday, 28 January 2013
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Soooo
So much for a everyday recap of my holiday. I guess I just got carried away holidaying. Anyways idk this year I'm blogging randomer stuff. (Awks I just elbowed a pillow off my bed and into the bin)
My fav holiday passage. Psalm 30 this looks longer than in a bible so read it in your bible cos it'll feel shorter hahaha but here it is.
I will exalt you, Lord , for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
You, Lord , brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit.
Sing the praises of the Lord , you his faithful people; praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
When I felt secure, I said, “I will never be shaken.”
Lord , when you favored me, you made my royal mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. To you, Lord , I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy:
“What is gained if I am silenced, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, Lord , and be merciful to me; Lord , be my help.”
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. (Psalm 30:1-12 NIV)
Idk why I like there's just something?
Ill leave you with some random holiday pics. I ended up going to Beijing as well which twas fun
My fav holiday passage. Psalm 30 this looks longer than in a bible so read it in your bible cos it'll feel shorter hahaha but here it is.
I will exalt you, Lord , for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
You, Lord , brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit.
Sing the praises of the Lord , you his faithful people; praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
When I felt secure, I said, “I will never be shaken.”
Lord , when you favored me, you made my royal mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. To you, Lord , I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy:
“What is gained if I am silenced, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, Lord , and be merciful to me; Lord , be my help.”
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. (Psalm 30:1-12 NIV)
Idk why I like there's just something?
Ill leave you with some random holiday pics. I ended up going to Beijing as well which twas fun
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