Late night mind boggle

I have no idea what to say or how I feel but I guess I'm having one of those nights. It started with writing messages as I do at the end of the season and I guess it really hit me that after 3 years coaching this team that I don't know if I will be able to coach next season and just reflecting on how far each and everyone of them has grown over the time I've coached them has made me realise that time really does fly. 

It's crazy to think that 5 years ago now, I started high school.  I didn't even think I would survive the first year yet low and behold here I am 5 years later, finally in senior uniform, finally one of the people that knows what they're doing, one of the ones allowed out, one of the ones that junior make way for. Being the weirdo, I am it makes me reminisce and wonder what if I was to die today. 

It's exactly these thoughts that bring me back to my yr 5 thoughts, 7 years ago. I remember it was a time where I was so afraid of dying and of what was to come that I would be scared to sleep incase I never woke up and I feel in a sense now that if I was to die today there's so much that I have left to do and especially to say. Something i feel smart saying is that it's part of human nature to feel afraid of death. there's something scarily interesting about death. As I now remember reading about bog bodies and the scary nature in which they all died, I realise that death is scary yet we have this strange fascination.

For me however, these thoughts all lead back to God and I guess I really pray an open prayer I guess you call it now. That God will help me to let go and comfort me. Guide me to truly give up everything for him and to be unafraid of whatever he has for me. Teach me and mould me. Use me for whatever your purpose. I'm afraid. I'm scared of whatever it is you want me to do. But I know it's your plan, Lord. Help me to let go and to cling to your cross. Remind me why you are king and guide me and release my heart from being afraid. Glorify yourself through me. Amen 

Finding God within life

 

It has been the longest time since ive blogged and thats partially because well its pretty hard these days with lots of assignments and assessments looming but I blog now and today with exams coming this week because I really want to share and remember personally the simple ways that God really shows himself to me.

For me today was just one of those days. Its like a hormone thing that something I cant even remember now, clicked and just made me want to cry. I didnt have that opportunity till I got home at which point I basically burst into tears and began to pray. I have no recollection about what I prayed about, although I did write it down. All I remember now is that I was meant to write a bible study shortly after and I guess recently I’ve been feeling like a failure, like Ive really been sucking at life; the one thing I’m meant to be able to do.

Not in much detail but the passage was Matthew 6:25-34 and well, it really does make you realise that if I do trust in God I have nothing to worry about. There is nothing in this world that should be able to worry us, make us scared cos well we have God who is sovereign over all that happens.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Its comforting and I feel so comforted knowing this truth and just being able to see how God uses someone as hopeless and useless as me to be able to somewhat assist in writing a study. These days it becomes more apparent to me how God uses the weak and the hopeless cos I am one of them. For that I am so blessed

xxx Jo

ps. just adding a pic or two from europe cos its legit so beaut there.