18/12/12 - WA

I really have been gone for ages cos well I'm a control freak and the end of the year is basically where I stress my head off so much I don't have time to do anything but make lists, follow them, make more and complete more.

Today really has been my first chance to have time where I'm not really doing anything. I should probs say it's nearly the summer holidays meaning I have 6 weeks of freedom before getting back to school. This year I'll be travelling to Perth, Hong Kong, china and possibly Korea.

How I have free time. Well I'm in the car. My family are heavy roadtrippers. We always roadtrip around Australia and this time we are road tripling part of Western Australia. Mainly around Perth and Margaret river area.

The reason I'm blogging on holidays is that I've realised that I have actually not got very many memories of holidays. I guess I go away heaps but I honestly can't remember much about them. If you tell me a place or jolt my memory I may remember but generally I can't remember half the places I've been to.

A summary of what I've done so far today should come now. Landed today at 10:00 I think. I secretly hate plane rides. I have an issue with the going up and somehow I just end up really sweaty every time the plane jolts or whatever. What I always try to do is distract myself, grab something really hard, pray and then stuff my mouth with food.

It's always amazing for me to land especially when i get to go to somewhere I've never been to. I was just on a cruise at point mandurah and its basically like a modern day Venice and it has amazingly massive houses. I took stalker photos which ill attach and there were dolphins and its all pretty cute. I'm really tryin to be appreciative this holiday and just discover stuff. I'll leave you with a few pics.

xxxx Jo

23/11/12 - World Possessions

I really have gone for ages and havent blogged for a while.

In the last few days many random stuff has happenned like i randomly got a tooth removed by an oral surgeon which still hurts and i dont know some deep thinking stuff.

Its nearly getting to that time of the  year where you go and reflect on the year. Think about all the things you did and didnt do. The time when I know i think about if i was to give a speech about this year it would sound like this. Some how its always during this time that I think about not only the past but also what i wanna do in the future.

(I dont plan what i say so it'll probs just come out randomly or weirdly) All my life Ive had the idea that God is in control and hes got it all figured. All this time Ive never doubted that or worried about it but as i face the decision of thinking about where to go for work experience next year (yeah plannin 1 year advance!! that is actually so much), i realise i have no idea. I dont know what I want to do and i dont know if thats a problem (but probs will be when i have to choose subjects...) only thing I know is that I really want my life to make a difference. I want to be someone who can live going I wasnt one of those people that spent my whole life getting rich and then just died. I guess Im realising theres more to life but in realising I really have no idea what to do. Something I'm really challenging to do is to go and think about what you want to do and really what you want to get out of life.

 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

19/11/12 - Realtiy

Ive really been quite absent recently. Let me just give you a recap of funny stuff this week and other random stuff.

Most notible thing this week is that I managed to reinjure my dodgy knee. Its probs from the very long squats I unfortunately had to do at training. Anyways I was told by  my coach the best way to sooth it is with a heat pack. Lets just say to make a heat pack hot you have to microwave it. Just cos its me and a microwave you can guess what happens. I misread the instrucitons and microwaved it for too long and YES it exploded. What can I say i should really stay away from microwaves but thats not really gonna happen.

Something else i dont know I just feel like i need to figure out from my head is my school fellowship group. I dont want to say we have no idea what to do or somethign like that but we've recently been finding that we have no idea where to take it and what to do with it. Im finally realising that once problems that you learn about in Pd that you thought would never be important or were just for a few selected people really do happen and really actually affect alot of people.  I would really love to just say pray and it'll all be figured or seek God and it'll all be good but its only now I finally release that stuff is actually so much more complicated. I never like not knowing what to do but this all is very much a reality check and I really am learning about the real world and how lucky i am to know that even on my bad days i have God and  I have someone to rely on. Ive learnt how lucky I am with my family situation and with my surroundings. If anything this has all made me alot mroe thankful. Although I have no idea how to help others, I just feel so blessed to know that God has a plan for me and he's got it all figured out.

xx Jo

12/11/12 - Reading for Yourself

I've recently come to a realisation that well basically when your relationship with God suffers your whole life also takes a toll.

To get back to where I was really requires working on my relationship and basically reading and praying more. So what I've decided to do in my free time (which there's lots of) is read through the four gospels cos well I've basically never read them legitly as a book but more of blobs of them.

It's been 2 days and I'm only up to Matthew 3 but it really is so amazing how Gods plan is perfect and there's just something about reading it for yourself that's really cool. I really encourage you to read it if you haven't before. Plus it's Christmas soon. Might as well read what legitly happens. :)

xxx Jo
Ps. It's a cool date

10/11/12 - Week Recap

I guess it's the early mornings which are quite draining for me at the moment meaning I try to go sleep early which sorta fails. Anyways I've had a hectic week where I finally managed to shorten a dress.
I'm the biggest noob when it comes to textiles type stuff. Like I legit cannot use a sewing machine or figure how to line up stuff but this week (while I was meant to be cleaning) I decided to reattempt. No idea how it is cos i haven seen it since yesterday but let's just say hemming dresses is actually so tiring. There goes being a tailor or whatever you call clothes making people.
I did end up cleaning my room and I've decided I'm gonna try and read. Got a few good Christian books but I hate reading so we shall see how that goes.
On a completely different note I don't rememeber if I talked about how there is gonna be a Christmas thing at my church and they're creating a committee blah blah and Im lets just stubborn and refusing to be a part and stuff. Don't worry about the details. Point is that well I always give stuff to God and often I hate the result. I always pray that he does whatever he wants but I always have a secret hope and my hope was that I would be really against it and still not want to go and stuff but annoyingly I've come to accept that I won't be doing anything and that well I'm free so I have no excuse to not. Idk if I'm making sense. I'm so hungry!! I realized recently cereal doesn't make you full. I'm done now.

Xxxx Jo

02/11/12 - Back On the Road

Its's been a while since I've blogged and its mainly because of the mass amounts of assessments recently and my really really busy schedules.

Anyways I had this elaborate story that I was gonna say about how recently during my assessment period I've been getting distant from God and what not but I guess today as this period ends my focus has really changed to how I can get back to what I was originally.

Today one of the highlights of my day has been meeting up for my grades fellowship group. I think what made this week extra good was how there was nothing we had to do. No specific topics. No plan to follow but somehow it just worked and there was discussion. I guess I am a control freak and I feel like often I have to just have everything planned out. I have this thing where everyday before I wake up I take like a minute to plan out everything Im gonna do that day and basically just go through exactly what I have to do as soon as i wake up so it really has been really amazing to see how you can not plan something but it can still go pretty well.

Something else I've been really trying to do this year is to pray to God whenever I think of something. Just to pray as the first thing I do whether somethings good or bad cos it really does remind you about God and its also a great way to help remind you to put God first and that he's in control. So for our fellowship group we have a Yellow Car challenge where basically instead of spotto you spot yellow cars and then you pray for something your thankful for and this really has helped me even in this day to remind me about being thankful.

On another completely random note as assessments finish I have this sudden urge to idk be come more social hahaha. So anyways today i started a twitter (jo_ngg) and a new tumblr (http://somethingcoolsounding.tumblr.com/) yeah dont ask about that im so not the creative type. Wow im so sleepy now. Anyways good to back on the road and back trying to rebuild my relationship with God.

xxxx Jo

26/10/12 - Just How You Are

For a control freak, I am unorganised as and that just makes me so stressed. The last week has been assessment time for me which means a hectic week of cramming and really trying to just finish everything.

Today it's nearing the end but there's still two more assessments for me due next week. The problem is that duke of ed is this weekend meanin I have no weekend time which has really made me panic so much and actually so stressed that I can't sleep.

It's really left me wondering WHY AM I SO EASILY STRESSED and WHY AM I NOT ORGANISED!! There's really not much that you can say to me when I'm in my madly stressed mood except give me paper and pen to write a list and give me coffee. But I guess a verse I've recently been reading and has helped me is Jeremiah 1:5. It's not as amazing as Jeremiah 29:11 (all of the bibles good but I do have my favs) here it is:
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Although I can't interpret that as im meant to be a prophet, for me it really does mean that God knows me and he made me this certain way and that for whatever reason it is, this is just exactly how I'm meant to be.

It's quite hard sometimes to really understand or believe that your perfect the way you are. For me it's just comforting to know God didn't make a mistake or something. As I go off to Duke of Ed for the weekend and completely stress-off-my-head I really do give all my problems to God cos it really is one of the best feelings ever to know something's not your problem anymore. Hope you all try that.
Xxxx Jo

21/10/12 - God's Way

Its funny how quickly things can change. 3 hours ago this post would be about how while completing my PD assessment I realised how amazing God is and how he created all these cultures eventhough he really doesnt have to and how special and incredible his creations are. I even have the cutest eskimo kid ever.

But since then well lets just say I've had a fit. What I'm about to share really is quite personal to me and really makes me quite teary. I spent alot of yesterday deciding whehter to share it or not and i guess its finally gotten to me that Im gonna tell you cos it firstly helps me figure it out and secondly i dont know maybe its encouraging for you?

Let me start by saying I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and yes I still havent finished. The bit that really got me were two verses.

 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,                                                      before you were born I set you apart;                                                                                   I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."       Jeremiah 1:5        
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 

 Knowing God has a plan is just so comforting and so amazing but it really got me think why ME? When I think about it really makes me teary that he would want to use someone so proud and so self centred like me. This got me writing. I find that when you write stuff down it just seems more clear so I wrote to God and  I legit wrote 3 pages. I dont know whether to type it out now or what but I guess the main thing is that basically its about how we dont deserve to be choosen, we dont deserve to be used by Him, we dont deserve his creation. As i look outside now at the pink sky and really just how amazing his work is, it really puzzles me why he would use me. Why he would want me.

Not only do we not deserve his plan but i try to create my own plan. I am a control freak and i need to have every single of everything under control and I need to be in control of everything. This is the bit they may come as a surprise to some. In many ways I often feel like its my duty to be that perfect person, the perfect Christian, someone everyone else looks up to, someone with all the answers; someones thats just perfect. Yet I know I'm never going to be perfect no matter how hard I try, it just wont happen. People put pressure on themeselves to do well in test, people put pressure on themselves to become the best at something but i guess i realise I put pressure on myself to be perfect in every way.

The part that really got me to type this up today basically in short is that there will be a Christmas event at church and I will not be involved in anyway. (this may sound bad and I really hope no-one from church reads this though thats probs not gonna happen hahah) I guess I feel like I should be included. I hate being excluded. I love being in the middle of everything and I love being involed and doing stuff but for once Im not included and for me that is actually something really big. I know everything happens for a reason but this is effecting my relationships in the sense that  i feel like I just have to distance myself and avoid it.

In many ways I am jealous. I'm always jealous. I'm jealous of the people that make better cake than me (making me not want to bake for anyone). Im jealous of missionaries and how they can be so close and dependent on God. Im jealous of people with hardships where they really seek God and become closer to him. Im jealous of those that are getting baptised. I get told I look at the faults alot and i know its true.

The reason I talk about all of this now is cos I really think that its effecting the most important thing and thats God.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stnad firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. Philippians 1:27

This verse really gets me cos it says to conduct yourselves in a manner WORTHY of the gospel of Christ. I am definitely not worthy and it's a reminder im not living for myself and I dont live to make myself look good or to make what I want happen. At the end of the day it's all for Jesus. For me thats really hard to accept. In relation to the Christmas event, I was talking to my mum (well more like bawling my eyes out but anyways) and what she said that struck me was that it's really up to God what happens. I am determined (like stubbornly determined, so determined that even if you paid me 1 million dollars i wouldnt consider it,) to not go. I'm quite arrogant in the sense that in the end God is probs just gonna make me go and I wont have 'won' and i will go and hate every minute of it. Whats even more stubborn is that normally I would pray that whatever Gods plan is that it will happen and I will be happy but this time I'm too scared to pray that. Im too scared to be happy about something I have no part in. Im too scared to go to something that I have no say in. I'm too scared for God's plan. Pretty ironic considering all my life the most comforting verse to me has been Jeremiah 29:11 all about God's plan.

(Wow this is ubber long, I feel for all those who have read up to here) Normally I try to end things with how I've fixed stuff or how its all good now but I really have no ending. I have no answer and I have no idea what to do. I'll finish now with my last para sorta of my letter.

I konw I always want to be involed in everything and that I really love being the centre of everything. I pray you will help me to really be satisfied just by you and not by other stuff.
I feel lke you really did choose one of the worst most hopeless arrogant people to be part of your plan. I have no idea what you choose me but I pray that you will lead me, you will give me the words and you will do whatever you want with me no matter what that means for me. I'm sorry for not putting you first. I'm sorry for being a bad example. I'm sorry for trying to take control of your plans. I'm sorry for being jealous and only looking at what i dont have. Im sorry for thinking and comparing myself with others. I'm sorry for letting your name down. I'm so thankful for your love and forgiveness and I really pray you will help me to trully love you with all my heart, soul and mind. Amen

 Its so amazing to know he's always there, always listening and always comforting.
xxx Jo

19/10/12 - In my Spare Time..

I havent posted for ages which is really sad but Ive been having lots of yearlies and assessments recently. I would like to say that Ive been busy studying thus not blogging but really Ive been intensely watching tv and trying to fit in some study in the ads. I believe in the you dont need to study if you listen in class cos it just sticks in your brain but then again i dont exactly listen.

Anyways i've been brought up being told that google has all the answers (not my problem when i couldnt spell a word or when i didnt know the answer to something my dad would tell me to google it) For some reason after a test i just do really random stuff. The point im getting to is that something thats been really bugging me is how in my 'pencil case' a pen leaked. (i say 'pencil case' because i currently use a glad bag for my pencilcase cos my pencilcase broke and I really havent had time to go buy nor do i know where you buy them from)

What Ive been trying to get to is that i googled how to get pen ink off plastic. All i can say is trust yahoo answers to be the first result. I go there just to read and see. Like i do this sorta stuff quite often but i never intend to do what it actually says. It was all this cleaning product and blah blah but i got to hairspray and theres just something about using stuff you already have at home which really appeals to me. I was actually quite skeptical cos like you know its hairspray and all but what do you know it actually works. For the last 30mins Ive legit sat on the ground just spray and wiping my pens and i must say Im quite proud of all my hard work.

Thats all i have to say for today. Hope your all doing something more productive
xxx Jo

13/10/12 - When no ones around...

I'm one of those horrible people who like catching people in the middle of doing something weird or awkward. (i'm meant to be studying atm but i really love talking more than taking in and listening) I was at target getting more shorts for my touch team and anyways I was in the random corner where they have all the tutus and girls dress up stuff and its here i awkwardly find a boy whos around 9 trying on a rainbow tutu. When he sees me he awkwardly stops and looks around like umm..im not doing what you think  im doing.

I love catching people doing stuff but i also really like doing random stuff when no ones around. The first time i was ever home alone I decided that I wanted to stand on the dining table and touch the roof. Then there have been times where Ive just wanted to climb and stand on stuff cos I'm not allowed to. Sad thing is that my dad installed video cameras in our living room and at the front door. Not that he looks through the video but it does make you think before you act. NowI dont think im either gonna sit on a clothes line or go try and sit on top of the sky light.

Even as I write this sitting home alone I really wanna stick my hand in the fish tank and catch a fish with my hand. I'll tell you how that goes if i ever do it but its just sooo tempting.

BACK TO STUDYING FOR ME!! yearlies starting monday and sadly i cant even remeber what i learnt last term.
xxx Jo

11/10/12 - Amazing Truth

Sorry for the last four days I've been away at band tour and its starting to come to that dreaded block of the year where assessments are due everyday and there are yearlies. I have appauling timing but since I've realised how I've been getting off track I havent had time to even think about it.

Today on one of my only free afternoons I guess I've really been trying to rediscover God. Its so hard to remember what you are actually worshipping sometimes when it becomes a routine and just something that you can do without thinking or getting into a certain place. For me just sitting in the study that does something. I dont actually use it to study but like sitting somewhere away from a tv and away from noise somehow just puts everything into clarity.

I just finished the first chapter of Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Ive been really wanting to read it but like im a slow reader and I really am so packed that I have no time. Theres this part where you watch a video. (just dragged it beneath cos I've been wanting to do that for a while) but the thing that really got to me is that really just how amazing it all is. Sometimes you really just need to stop and think about it and just how crazy and how weird God trully is and also how if we have something so amazing what are we doing living our lives the same way?

I have a really short attention spam and lets just say that well i only properly concetrated for 10mins of that but even from that its just so easy to forget what you are really living for and to get distracted in you day to day life. Its so easy to put God at the back and not where he belongs first.

xxx Jo

07/10/12 - Realising Your Heart

I'm currently really hating my devotions. Mainly cos well all the things just apply to me. It's funny how I went from just realising my life is so screwed up at the moment and wanting just to survive the year and start fresh next year to reading about well how no matter how hard you try and how good your intentions it's Gods plan and not yours.

Something I was told today that really got me is that really think about what your living for. I mean deeply think. What do you think about before you sleep? What do you do or think first thing you wake up? For me it really has changed from God to other people and serving them and helping them.

Recently I've been going to bed late talking through people's problems and waking and replying to the many different messages I have to then planning things. What will happen here or what's going on with that. Inbetween this all I've really left God aside.

It's really simple stuff. Like I think this one person is worth missing out one day of devotion or i'll do this later right now I need to figure this out instead.

I've been asked so much recently why do you do all this and you realise you can't solve everyone's problems. Really today I trully have been thinking and just trying to figure it all out. It wasn't until I got to my devotions that it really got to me. Basically it was saying you can have the best intentions and everything but without God you won't be able to get anywhere.

In so many ways I've grown up knowing that I have to do something with my life; I have to live a life that makes a difference. For me I just really want to become that person that everyone admires and that you look at and go how do they do that; I want to be that person on top of everything and really has everything figured.

I like to always have something figured by the end of a post. I like to write something and say that it's all good and I've figured it out but I honestly for once haven't. I really don't know what to do and I really cannot physically take myself to drop something (this is probs some type of hoarding or disorder)

In many ways I feel like its my duty to go any problem you have here's an answer go fix yourself. I don't know anymore. I sometimes honestly wish I was in some South American country or some other place where Christians are discriminated against because in hard times you really go to God. I keep telling myself it's a challenge more in good times but yeah I haven't got an answer I just want to get it out and make it feel more official to myself.

If you have something I really beg you to think into it and really get to the bottom. I wasn't going to blog this but I feel like I need to share that no one is or will be perfect and that no matter how much you take on you really can't do it alone. You can blame it on so much like I blame my hate for reading making reading the bible and other Christian books a pain to read but at the end of the day it's truly your heart.

Xxxxx Jo

Ps. Good job on reading that all if you did. It's so long that I'm not gonna reread through it all.

05/10/12 - Good from Bad

I always love verses that remind me of how God is in control and has a plan and makes everything alright. Ive just come acrross one very much like Jeremiah 29:11 but i guess it focusesses more on how all bad things dont have to bad.

Here it is:

But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:19-20

This verse has really changed my opinion of the old testament. For me that has always been the old hard to understand bit with random stories mixed between that well, i honestly try to avoid but having said that I really love this verse and espeically if you think about all the background with it as well.

The biggest thing for me is that Joseph was the most love child out of 12 and had basically the best life until he was basically kidnap and shoved into a well and later sold by his own brothers. From there he was sent to Egypt and made a slave. After a while he became the head slave before then being wrongly accused and put into jail where he again became the head prisioner and later being freed and becoming the second most powerful person of Egypt.

I'm pretty sure if it was me, I would just ask to have them all killed or at least scare them abit. The faith and assurance that Joseph has in God is really a reflection of how when you change your thinking and your mindset to be fully focussed on God, amazing things can happen. Its so assuring konwing that like even bad things have something good that'll come out of it all.

Anyways I'm off to attempt to coach with one of my close friends Mel C today.
xxx  Jo

 

03/10/12 - Drifting from God

I always have epiphanies in the shower and today was no difference. The only difference was that normally it's about how I can solve a problem or fix something but today it was more realising a problem. Recently i haven't been blogging a lot and it comes back to where I am. How everything in my life seems alright and how from there it's so easy to drift from God.

Especially this holiday for me, I've been very filled up and busy. I really live being busy but there really comes a time where you realise there's so much going on that your priorities seem like they're not right. This holidays my priorities have been about many things but one thing it hasn't been about is God.

I've grown up around Christianity and Jesus and in a way that's made my drifting more hard to see. I know you should read the bible everyday so I've been doing that just as a chore and even prayer has been back to routine with the same Dear God please help this day to be for you Amen. There's nothing wrong with that prayer but its when it becomes something you cos you have to that becomes an issue.

It's times like this when you really just sit and think about how amazing God and just what a big problem he has loving people that never deliver to his standards, people that go against him, people that don't obey. To know he still loves you and still gives you a chance is something that no one or nothing else can give you.

One song that I always love listening to in times like this is running in circle because it really just sums it all up. How we run from God and we think we don't need him and focus our lives on other things but then at the end of the day what we really need is God.

I pray that we all really see our problems and deal with them and that we remember that all we need is God.
Xxx Jo

27/09/12 - Holiday Mode

I always say its so easy to forget God when you're not really struggling and when things are going well. Its so easy to go today was pretty good dont needa pray or read the bible cos im still good with God and this is a one off. For me especially in the holidays its so easy to slack off and go today ive got this this and this and really forget to find time for God.

Today I had a youth group outting where we had lunch then went to koorong (a Christian bookstore) Im not much of a reader. I love the idea of reading and buying books but in the actual doing bit well i suck at that. I guess its also like how i like to talk but i dont do as well listening and readings sorta like listening..idk what im trying to say but the point is I'm really finding especialyl this holidays that Im putting God more behind and really gettting distracted by my numerous events and outings.

This holidays Ive had a jam packed calender legit with things on every day and ive been asked numerous times why dont you take a break and just do nothing. In many ways Im not a do nothing person. I love doing stuff; i HAVE to do stuff. I would longer take a longer route and feel like im moving then wait and take the shorter route to get to the final destination at the same time. I guess with this it makes it really hard for me to really just be free and really just have that time to reflect and think. In many ways I try to fool myself by going Im gonna wake early then do my devotions and read my Bible but of course im not a morning person and even when i wake early i just dont function very well.

So for the rest of the holidays I really am gonna challenge myself and anyone else with free time or on holidays to continue with devotions everyday and to continue to grow your relationship with God even in good times. Im also quite excited to read a book which Ive been told quite a bit about called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Shall tell you soon when i finish (give me like a few weeks though. Theres 205 pages hahah)

All for now.
xxxx Jo
ps. time to drink the juice i shoved in the freezer like 20mins ago. really hope its not frozen solid. I've been having juice cravings recently. I use to drink juice like water cos i thought water tasted too plain then my mum heard from some other parent that juice stops your growth so that was the end of juice for me. But now i kinda stopped growing so i buy poppers cos you dont have to drink as much haha. enough about my juice drinking habits. Go read your bible ;)

21/09/12 - If only...

I always find it really ironic when I have a dilemna and then i go do my quiet time or i read my bible and find something that really relates to what Ive been thinking or struggling with. Really this happenned yesterday for me and its actually something that Im pretty sure alot of people feel.

As silly as this may sound, one of my most recent things has been why doesnt God give me some hard life problem! I love listening to other people grow closer to God through going through some rough time and really leaning and relying on God but it also makes me pretty jealous. At the moment I can pretty much describe my relationship with God as pretty good and really cruisy. The thing I've really wanted was to really have some problem and have some issue. Its really i guess cos in bad times you really realise that you need God and you just depend on him so much more. It was yesterday ironicly that my devotion actually was talking about how we should be thankful in good and bad times and in many ways going to God and learning and growing should be all the time, whether good or bad.

Even funnier is how at the time (around 4 hours ago) i had no problems and every thing seemed to be going smoothly. Now im stressing and I mean stressing (like mass eating anything I can get my hands and like nearly ripping my hair out) about organising teams for touch footy. Its really funny how I was wishing for some problem but its now when I get the problem that I'm really going WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? this isn't really the type of problem I wanted.

In many ways as I continue to stress and ive spent 3 hours doing every single humanly thing i can do, it really reminds me of how well God is in control of everything. Even sport which I don't really go to him first about. In many ways this would be where my fav vs comes in Jeremiah 29:11. 'For i know the plans I have for you,' Declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future' I honestly live by that vs cos its just something so comforting for me espeically to remember that its EVERYTHING that God knows whats best for. Even for something as random as touch footy I can pray and give it all to God and its just such an amazing freeing experience, giving everything to God.

xxxxx Jo

20/09/12 - Nearly There

Funny how everytime I've blogged recently has been when I really should've been doing something else. Today I should really be finishing off work and confirming details of events happenning this holidays but I really just can't be bothered.

Its that time of the term where its sooo close to the end yet your not there yet. i guess thinking in terms of running (not that ive been doing alot of that recently) its like when your running and your like omg i hate this blah blah but your soo close to the end and you keep telling yourself you can make it but then theres that part of you which is saying you're not gonna make just give up now. It's funny how like even this morning I had heaps of energy and really ready to do whatever God wants me to do today yet even by the afternoon Im so drained!!

In many ways I feel like its my time where im celebrating the end of the term before its happenned and basically its quite sad to then realise...wait its not the end. I dont even know what im getting to now hahahahahha. As the holidays really approach quite soon, Im gonna to be trying to remember that God is in control of everything and that I honestly need him for everything. I can quite honestly I dont think I would manage getting out of bed without Him.

I think i officially shall stop now cos i dont know what im saying and I really feel like im falling asleep. Something quick from Philippians ive been reading.

Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagarly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:19-20

I like the idea of being a citizen of heaven but i guess with that is living like one which i know is something really really hard to do and really even remember.

xxxx Jo

19/09/12 - Something Little Goes a Long Way

I think im going crazy. Lets just say I had an asssessment due tomorrow (well really in a few hours now) and to say the least I was really quite behind. I often pray about assessments and stuff but I always think of the help in the form of finishing, looking back going it was all good blah blah. but this time i was in my panic crisis ahhh time to get caffine to calm myslef down ( yeah it does calm me down... meaning i must be an addict :/) Really the amazing thing was today one of my close friends emailed her work to me. I guess the first thing I did was celebrate and really thank God.

In many ways God just wants us to remember him and i think you can really tell whether someone's really focussed on God or what by seeing how they react to something good. This hasnt always been true for me, but like just praising God first was also another thing for me to celebrate. Knowing that i thought of him first really is something exciting. Mini steps! idk if this even makes sense. Im legit never up this late but i really just wanted to share that with you cos a little love can go a long way for someone else.

so sleeping now. the highs like going ahhaha
xxx Jo

16/09/12 - Ready or Not?

Solemly swear that writing or talking about things always helps you think. Lets just say today I had a day of massive ups and downs and I'm normally a very hormonal person but today was very much just a whole new level for me.

I may have mentioned this earlier but I've really wanted to be baptised. This has been something Ive wanted to do since I was around 10 but ive ignored the thought cos of my age for many years. Anyways the main thing is that I was maybe going to get baptised in October next month and then after lots of many ups and downs where I struggled between being respectful, duty, want and whether I really was ready.

It really has been something big for me after losing the most tears I have ever lost in one day after crying three or four times today, I really thought I had figured out how I was going to get baptised and how it would all work but as usual my plans didnt work with God's. It just so happens that my qualifying Duke of Ed walk is on the same day and bascially I've been told theres no way i'll make it back on time. Being me this is where I have my outburst (which I was really trying to avoid, considering I was about to say that I am ready to tell eveyrone that I'm really giving up everything for God).

My first reaction to all this was really, TRUST! trust God to ruin my plans. Trust God to remind me that He's in control and that Im powerless. Then it turned to anger. Like really God? After everything else you ruin, you decide to ruin something I'm trying to do for you. I actually said this to my dad, I wanted to punch God even though i know like he wont feel anything and it'd probs make me more pissed or atomic bomb him then i can die and not deal with these problems. I know I'm definitely an exaggerater.

I like to take things away; have something that Ive learnt. I may have said that I wanted to give up on God, that I hate God, that if he doesnt want me to get baptised I should just give up and that really his plans suck but at the end of the day I realised this has fired me up and made me more passionate. Its reminded me of my real cause to live. Its reminded me that no matter how much I plan its God's plan and its reminded me that I will never be perfect and that I will never be able to handle everything on my own. I hate to say this but his plans are always the best and I feel like I now have more motivation and I'm more compeled and ready than before. It'll be another 7 months till the next on but I'm sure that this is God's plan and I feel more ready then ever to live my life out fully for him.

xxxx Jo

14/09/12 - Throw Your Life Away

It's been a pretty good for me, God wise. Ive returned to remembering and fully focusing with everything i have, on God. Its been a pretty busy week and its officially the last week before Year 12 graduate.

In previous years this has really been not very significiant but this year is offically when many of the seniors I know graduate. It's really scary I guess to think about how very soon that'll be me. I have a couple more years to go but still its a daunting thought, a life without school. This  has really got me thinking what do i want to do? What do i want to acheive?

Its in thinking about this that I realise that I really want to devote all my life to God. Ive pretty much prayed all my life that God will use me however he wants but as a child this doesnt really dawn on you what your committing yourself to and as you grow older you realise just what this could mean. For me this could mean not being the riches, not living like everyone else and maybe even giving up everything including my life for God. As i think about those graduating, i really think about whether I'm ready and willing to drop everything and truly live for God.

I've been told often that'll make a good leader and thats something really exciting for me cos i really love leading. Ive really loved watching people grow in Christ and new Christians gain confidence in Christ and start to share their own stories. Thats what I've truly loved from this term of leading fellowship. Ive often wondered what Im talented at and I guess recently Ive realised I have a passion for Jesus and  a pasion and skill for talking. Its so exciting to know that you've got your whole life ahead of you ready to go do whatever it is God wants to do with our skills.

xxxx Jo

11/09/12 - Acting in Love

It's really late and I have an in-class essay tomororw but today I really learnt something about the value of God.

I know many year 7s and I'm close to quite a few of them but there's this one that I'm just really close to. I don't know how or why but I've watched her grow and change favourite people to struggle with different problems.

It's only today that it really occurred to me, I often tell her to do this and don't do that but in reality I would never do what I tell her to do. I'm telling her to love a girl she hates to give the best revenge which is love. It all seems fine and good but it's exactly what I wouldn't do. This got her to raging about how..basically she just wants to be more popular than her and be better than her at everything.

This really just got me thinking back to rice and realising just how there really is nothing else that can satisfy. It's all good she seeks revenge tomorrow when the girl trips but then she's gonna want more. Soon low and behold there will be world war 3.

It's so hard to really do to other what you would like to be done to you. I find it quite ironic how my verse of the week is James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Really this is a reminder of how we should try to act as Christians.
Xxx Jo

10/09/12 - Love When Nothings Right

If you go to SIC (grade fellowship group) this will  bascially be a preview of what we're talking about this week. This week we'll be talking about Gods love and basically this is after someone annonymously aposted my friend about how well they have their own internal life struggles.

In mays we all struggle. Although some of us dont exactly have a mental illness as such, everyone has there good days and there bad days. Days where everything seems to be going wrong and days where nothing seems right. Days where there just seems like there is so much going on and you just can't keep up with it all.

Today is my that sorta day hahah. I dont know it just started with forgetting lots of things and really just feeling out of it. Its times like this where I am glad I am a Christian, greatful that its not just about what I do from day to day and that no matter how bad things are its part of an amazing plan and that I'm part of that amazing plan. This is something that is just really comforting, knowing that you are loved and that you have a job. No matter how bad things are, Gods love never fails to bring a smile to my face and just really make me tingly.

For someone who grew up in a Christian family and surrounded by God's love all my life, its still so amazing how God gives up his son and basically a part of Him to die for us. I think one of my fav vs sums it all up. Romans 5:6-8. Like you honestly would never die for someone that was hopeless. Even if you were to die for a homeless person you would think that there would be some hope or you would think that that person deserved to live and would make the most of their life. Yet this is the amazing thing were Jesus dies for hopeless people, for people that were sinners and really held no hope at all.  

I dont think you can ever fully grasp how amazing and just how big of an action this is. Its cos of this I feel really compelled to do my best to really show what this love is like in actions and I really pray that we all remember just how amazing (yeah thats like the most bestest word in my vocab haha) and what an enormus gift it is and how we should really just act accordingly.

Happy Rest of the Week,
xxx Jo

08/09/12 - Faith or Fear

I am officially hopeless. I actually started a post a week ago but well never really finished it. Throughout this week something I've really realised that you can't be happy without God as your centre. You can only be happy when you give it all to God.

An easy example of this would be yesterday. I finished and started school VERY VERY early for legacy day which is an organisationt that supports the widows and dependents of soldiers who pass away as a result of war. (yes i am very well practised in my speech) Had to get to the city before 7 which meant for me waking at 5 and getting home at 2 even after hanging around the city for a bit. So i was really excited to get home (and secretly busting to use a toilet) but once i got to the door, i realised the alarm was on meaning that we had been broken in. Cos im an impatient person i decided to take the risk (mainly cos i really needed a toilet) and i circled most of the house with a broom before entering and half checking each room while carrying an umbrella. I've always thought that... well if there was ever gonna be any body break in, i would be able to take them on.

So after calling my dad to say that I am in fact alive and he tells me to go toilet and lock the door so either way i'll live. Its sitting in the toilet that, i suddenly become aware of all the places that a murderer could be hiding and all the places I havent checked. Under the bed. In the wardrobes. Under tables. In cupboards. Its when you lose faith that things seem really bleak.

In so many ways this is like faith. When you lose faith things start to go bad. When I think about this, the first thing that comes to my mind is the story of Jesus walking on water and where Peter walks on water but when he sees all the dangers around him loses faith and falls. Matthew 14:22-33.

My lack of faith is so small compared to a lack of faith in God. In many ways I'm currently trying to put all my faith on God and not on my own ability. When I was younger I had a massive debate with myself about what if heaven isnt real and what if God doesnt exist? What happens? This was a time where I really had to decide where i would put my faith. After much prayer and lots and lots of questions I realised that it is faith alone which can save you and it is faith that you need. Its no good if you do everything right when everything is about faith. Your faith. Faith that isnt suaded by whats going on but faith that is permenant. One really assuring thing is that you can pray for more faith and you can pray for your faith to grow.

Thats all for now i suppose,
xxx Jo

29/08/12 - Peace

Wow ive been really bad recently. Ive been meaning to blog this for a while. Recently Ive been reminded of how much peace having Jesus can give you and also how with Him everything is just right. 

So as you probably know I'm an organise freak. In some ways, i think it is bad because well i dont really have room for God to do whatever he wants and i really try to remember that God is in control. (i even stick sticky notes everywhere to remind me) Normally I just know where I'll take things or when I start it just flows but today I guess.. I dont know. I really wanna explain that feeling you get when you know that God has everything under control. 

For me its one of the most amazing things ever!! Its so hard to describe theres not this one word but like its a peace which nothing else can give you. Its a peace where eventhough I have a maths test looming, I know that its alright. Its a peace which just makes you smile and feel all happy inside knowing that you are loved, no matter what and that everything is alright.

I dont often get teary ahha but one of the things that often tears me up is just thinking about how amazing God is and just his love. Like no matter what you do and no matter how far you stray he's there ready with open arms. If thats not amazing enough  its knowing you have something to depend on, a back up plan. No words can really describe this feeling. Ive been listening to this song (that one of my close Christian friends suggested) as I type and it just really sums it all up and really what I want to say. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foVRP07WOAg

The Christian message is just something that is so life changing, something so different and just plain amazing. I think I sound really repetitive but if theres one thing to try or take home, its to pray to God and give him your problems, give them al to him no matter how great or small, knowing he listens and doesnt judge, most importantly knowing that he loves like no human can love. This is really compels me to stand for what I believe because there is no way to say thanks but to really share it. 

xxxx Jo

25/08/12 - Fitness Junkie

Im officially in my health junkie phase. It really has been the discovery of the app fitness pal which has lead me from eating as much as possibly could in order to scan things to actually counting calories and actually doing exercise in order to be under my limit of the day.

As I did my usual thing to day on that dreaded elliptical machine for my 20mins of cardio. Being me, I was thinking really about how killing myself for a good 30mins was really helping and whether.. well there was a way to avoid exercise yet still become fit. The best ideas i came up with was subtly tricking myself and taking mini detours where i went in order to 'not' exercise or just to not bother and hope that i just had the gene where you just remain skinny. 

In a way this is sorta like living as a Christian. Like you know what you need to do yet it seems hard and you want to avoid it. You try and do other things to make up for what you're not doing or you just try to trick your mind and say that you've done. Yet in truth we all know that we havent really done that task until we've done and conquered what we dont want to do. i dont know if that makes sense.. haha

I love doing exercise. I say i hate it and its the thing I dread doign but I love the feeling afterwards. It just feels so good to know that you've accomplished something and that your closer to become fit and one of those really sporty people (something i'll probably never be). 

The idea of a Christian life being a race is quite cliche and one of those examples where i straight away think at the Olympics track running with a trillion other people. I also find the idea of looking to the future and to what we have in store in heaven pretty hard. Like its a lovely idea of being happy, pain free, never hungry etc. but its so hard to imagine. 

I press on toward the goal to win the prizefor which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12

Today while  I was doing my exercising I really got that idea of focusing on something and being able to achieve it. When I do things I always set mini goals in order to get to the final goal so i try to aim for every five mins and when I'm really struggling every minute which is one closer to the end, all the time thinking about the end goal of finshing and having really good muscles hahah. In the same way its like with life you have to keep focusing on God in order and put God as your reason for everything.

I dont really know why i bother doing exercise but its good cos im finding its a great time to pray and really reflect on life which then helps me to pass the minutes. Anyways
xxxx Jo

23/08/12 - Hectic Day

Currently loving  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc Your love never fails by Jesus Culture. I really love this song cos its a reminder of how great Gods love is and how like he has the best plan which is something that can be so easily forgotten in our busy lives. So i just discovered the changing colour bottom. Im quite slow and I am a not bothered person so i dont know if that effects it. 

For those that live in Sydney, you'll understand when I say Cityrail sucks and I was the unfortunate victim of yet another cityrail failure. Basically some random tree fell and all the trains were cancelled. Its times like this when Im stranded that you really have to go does God really have the best plan?? In some ways today I was able to have a chat with one of my best Christian friends which is always something I look forward to do. I dont know why but its when you talk to Christian friends its just able to go on a deeper level. 

Having said that it's also important to remember to have non Christian friends, the ones that hopefully through being with you and stuff that they'll really see a difference and find out about Christianity. Through talking to people about Christianity I recently realised that when I talk about something im passionate about I just start hand gesturing. i dont know im going strange. 

now to end on a sad and fail story. In true fashion, I got off the train today an hour after i normally would and as i stepped off the train it started to thunder (ironic because today i was told it was meant to be really hot and then it was fully windy as and everything was being blown away like legit EVERYTHING) After that event, I decided to brighten my day by painting my nails a bright colour. This was all good until I finished my right hand then remembered that my thumb is still screwed. Lets just say the right hand after a good half an hour looks rather unique. If you read this and you'll see me soon please DONT stare closely at my right hand hahaha. 

Also quickly something really random today i started using this app that lots of my friends use to count calories etc. The reason Im using it is cos it has the coolest barcode scanner. You can scan the code on the packaging then it comes up with all this health info. its so coool ahhahah. for the record im not counting calories, just eating heaps to scan heaps. Its called My Fitness Pal. Now back to something constructive hahah

xxx Jo

22/08/12 - Back on the Road

I've recently.. well just then.. realised I really suck at maths so im taking a break ahahhaha. Everything's been really exciting recently and Ive really enjoyed all these deep conversations Ive been able to have with others and really discuss faith, religion and God. 

Happy to say that Im finally back focussing on God and there really is a difference. The lightness you feel is just so amazing. Ive half been deciding recently whether to get baptised. Its been a pretty long debate, couple of months now. For a moment there I was seriously doubting whether I really was a Christian and whether I was really ready to publicly give up my life for God. 

After a lot of thinking and stuff I think that Im ready. It seems so much easier to make such a big decision when you're young. I first started thinking about baptism when I was around ten. I think I was reading about someone like Amy Carmicheal, a missionary to India, who got baptised when she was 10. At the time I decided that I wanted to be the youngest person to be baptised and ...well I was a Christian anyways so why not? It's once you put something like that on hold and really grow that you realise that you aren't perfect and that God is slightly crazy to love someone so hopeless and far from perfect and that's one of the most amazing and hard things about Christianity. 

One of my FAVOURITE FAVOURITE verses that really shows how amazing God is, is Romans 5:6-8. Its quite a bit to read but its just such an amazing passage. 

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 I think that pretty much says it all and its just one of the greatest things on earth. So exciting this week, I get to have afternoon tea with the girl who isnt Christian who i spoke about religion to again. Also remembering the power of prayer and just praying that God will be the centre of my life and that I will be compelled to do anything for Him as a result of his amazing gift for me.

xxx Jo

 

20/08/12 - Satisfaction

Imagine that thing, that one thing you dream about. The one thing you really want. Whether its an object, success or it's something you want to do. Now imagine what you would do if you had it and how your life would look. That perfect snapshot of the perfect moment. The moment of satisfaction, knowing you've done all you wanted to do.

For me there's this big thing that really satisfies me. ORGANISING. I LOVE IT!! If I could do anything or have anything I would want to be organised and be organising things. The perfect life for me is working in an office, lots of phone calls, lists everywhere, everything in order, all lists ticked and nicely written, lots of things going on yet still being in control of everything.

Of course this is far from reality. I like to think that if I had all that I would be satisfied and my life would be complete. It seems all pretty good but it's when you think deeper. Im sure we would all love to be organised like for a student with all assessments done in advance and all homework completed and all things planned in advance with minute to minute calculation of how you days going to work. As much as this is a dream for me it's not realty.

Even if I managed one day my satisfaction and the completeness would only last one day!! This is just like today when I was craving a milkshake. I spent ages making it and it tasted amazing but in less than 5 mins it was gone. After it was gone I wanted more. For those 5mins I was so satsifed but of course that didnt last for very long.

Finding something that satisfies you for a long time is quite hard but something that satisfies forever is near impossible. It was this, that was the theme of this years RICE rally (renewal and inter-church evangelism basically an event run to evangelise to youth in sydney). I personally love this theme of satisfied.

There are so many things around that we feel will can give us satisfaction forever. This can come in many forms for me personally it can be food. Its a match made in heaven. but it doesnt last for very more. Food is temporary. This is the same for popularity. Fame. Money. Placing. Intelligence. Objects. Once you get your goal YOU WANT MORE!!! You won't ever be satisfied.

Everyone seeks satisfaction and everyone wants to be satsified. Believe it or not, think about the one thing you want. Why do you want it? Say you want to be popular and be in that popular group. Once you get there you'll crave more, maybe to be the popular girl, then later the school captain. I dont know but all these things dont leave you satisfied but rather craving for more. In fact, theres only one thing that can really satisfy and leave you not wanting more. That is Jesus. Jesus can satisfy everything once and for all.

The reason I'm so passionate about this is that it is something that you can understand and relate to. We all know that once you win once you want to win again and again and again, once you  buy something you want more and more and more. Only Jesus can just make you happy and not wanting more. Praying for those who want to find out more and those who turned to Christ at RICE ( quite funny cso im currently eating instant rice)

xxxx Jo

18/08/12 - Listing Those Issues

What can I say but Im a paranoid, list-making perfectionist. The sad thing is that im only paranoid and list-making for events and not work . This has all lead me to finally realise that I may slightly, possibly have an issue about faith. 

You always think that being organised and having every minute of your day planned out is something good and something that we all should aim for. Its was actually last night that I was really reminded that as much as my dream life would be having a trillion things to organise and being organised and having every minute of every day planned to perfection, its  not. Even if it was it would be quite boring and rather pointless. 

So this is the part where God comes in. ive been continually reminded that everything is alright and God is in  control but like this time it just didnt feel like it. Its like something I know in my head but its not really connecting to my heart. In short I'm basically lacking faith at the moment. I guess its a good thing God provides what we dont have. Mark 9:14-19. Often I dont really get how stories relate to anything, like if im reading on my own i dont know but it just doesnt really stick but this was from my devotions the other day and it really shows how like if you ask for it God can give it to you.

 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Matthew 9:24

I always find it ironic how like everything never ever goes as i plan and how theres always some bible verse telling me exactly what im doing is screwed. I guess  in some ways its a good reminder about God but I think of it as God going whats wrong with you? like honestly the heck is with you? i guess in some ways its pretty lucky I'm not God cos i would just screw everyone. but anyways this is the verse that I think pretty much reflects me at the moment and I sit here laughing now at just how relevant the Bible still is and just how.. well direct to my problem it is. 

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.      Proverbs 19:21

As I now pray for faith and to be an example and to really reput God first, I really hope that I can regain that relationship with God and that it'll be God at the centre not me and that it'll be God's plan in my mind and not my own. 

xxxxx Jo

14/08/12 - God Centred

So I've been very bad at blogging recently. In the past week one of the greatest things I've learnt is that well, God really is in control of every single thing!! With our girls group for school, I've somehow manage to be partially in charge. This is something really exciting for me but also VERY VERY DAUNTING!! I'm one of those people who always likes to be on top of everything. Its not everything, just those certain few things. I use to plan out every single minute of my day (not that, that worked very well) Its with this in mind that i have been very stressed about organising every single little detail of this group which, has yet to happen which has then really stressed me out. Strange thing is that when im stressed for a weird reason i walk around my house doing laps and jumping and doing those really cool ballerina split things (probably not well). 

Anyways the lessons I've learnt from not being able to control every single aspect of it, is that God is ultimately in control. As much as i love to have every single detail planned out, God also loves to ruin my plans and give me that little reminder that actually you suck and have no idea what you are doing and that I am ultimately in charge and not you. A verse that i saw this week that I really think shows Gods control is 1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Its not one of my usual, God is in control la-di-da eveyrthing is good but its more of a God is in control and he'll shove you whatever he wants but dont worry everything is alright cos no matter what he shoves you, it'll be something that you can handle and if all else fails he gives you an easy exit. I dont exactly summarise it in the most fancy and church type of way but thats basically it and I find that if you reword it in a way that helps you really understand it actually helps. 

Something else completely out of the blue, in the shower today, i had an a-pith-any ( i have no idea how to spell that word but it sounds smart and you can just sound it out the way it looks there). I often have these in the shower, which is quite strange, btu my dad says he gets them in the middle of the night.. thats weird too. Anyways I recently realised I have a love for getting through to people and also for really sharing the gospel. Like its something I'm really passionate about and recently when i was talking to someone about it, I realised how excited it makes you feel and how close to God and you just get this buzz. 

So the current thing im considering is how to get through to someone who is shy and really basically is sorta scared of you. ( i swear i am like the most unscarey person. except maybe when im coaching but ive never coached this girl) The reason Ive choose this particular girl is because, well theres no nice way of saying this but i overheard my mum talking to our family friend about her and how theres alot of pressure on her and in my epiphany (i finally spelt it well enough for it to be able to autocorrect)  I realised that there is no better than way to get rid of pressure than Jesus. so now begins my quest to figure how to get closer to her and how to really get to that core issue. AHHH I LOVE PROJECTS.. just praying its what God wants though... It's really exciting to see things that need to be done and knowing that you can do them but ultimately I especially need to remember that it's up to God.

Praying that whatever you do, you think of whether it is something God wants  you to do.
xxxx Jo

11/08/12 - Another One of Those Days

It always always seems to come to this for me. Ive recently been really bad at blogging and stuff. 

So yet again its one of those bleugghhh days for me. It starts out fine and is all good but it only takes one thing and a lot of hormones to seriously turn things bad. For me today was the first day back to netball which was really good but the thing that really flipped me today was getting my phone restored. I am basically permenately stuck with my phone. In fact whenever im without its like i have no idea what to do. I dont even have to use it. its just the fact i cant look at it or just turn it on for no reason. In fact today has basically been the longest time since year 5 i think i havent used a phone. 

So lets just say from there it really has been down hill for me and today is that accumulation of everything and the snap. Something really really personal to me is my relationship with God. Its one of those things that i really really treasure and really depend on and its really funny how (again phases) you go through all these different phases where you're really close and then you seem to drift off. I love to blame everything on everythign but myself so for me its the Olympics. Its been one of those things where i go to bed late and i go hmmm.. its alright one day.. one day without reading the bible, one day without praying, it wont do much harm. but its the accumilation of all this. Gradually over time, that one day turns to two and soon you realise its 10 days. And that ten days really does make a difference.

In ways thats the most amazing thing about Christianity, knowing that once youve gone away adn once you've screwed up, there is still hope and that God is still there for you even if you are the most hopeless person on earth. That is something that will never change and really really is amaizng. i think one verse that best summarises that is

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

 When you think about it, that verse really sums up for me how really amazing God is. Like im sure none of us would think about dying for someone that sucks heaps, we would at least need to see some hope in them or somethign worth dying for, after all it is our life and thats like the end of the earthly part. Yet Jesus dies for those hopeless people, the ones that have no future whatsoever. I think thats really inspiring and something that is really worth living for. It's really interesting to see all those things that distract us from this and really take priority over something that means true life and true living. I'll never be perfect or close to it but knowing that through Christ I have hope, it is an amazing thing.

xxx Jo 

05/08/12 - Random to Reality

I have a thing for randomly coming up with things then pursuing those things. My most recent thing is I've decided I'm gonna attempt to write a book. This is even quite strange sounding to me considering I'm not much of a reader. In fact I don't like reading so much that when I finish blogging something I won't reread it.

I should probably explain how I randomly about an hour ago got to this decision. Recently I've been to koorong and brought a ton of books. Basically enough to last me another year of reading.

Another recent thing has been mission week at my church. It's one of those things I love and hate at the same time. I love it cos it really gets me thinking again about what I can do and stuff and I love thinking about that and planning ahead. What I really hate is thy every year it revives my 'i really want to do something' feeling. Its been a couple of years since I first got his feeling and since then it's been a quest to find a way to really serve and best make a difference as a Christian.

Everyone knows in order to make a difference etc you have to do something you are passionate about. Up until now I've always thought of myself as someone who is determined and possibly stubborn but that's not some skill you can use, unlike being good at basketball or someone who is really good at knitting.

It only struck me very recently that I Infact my possibly have a talent in talking or with words. I love talking and blogging (just like talking except I don't have to listen. Hahahah) and this got me thinking I could affect a lot of people like this. I feel too young to do something like start a charity but I'm pretty sure there's no age limit on book writing as long as you write well enough. After all I sort of have experience with my life I guess.

I'm actually really excited to get started and I often think of my life as a reality show (secretly I'm a reality tv show trashie. I LOVE THEM!!) and why not write it down just like one. No guarantees on whether I'll finis. I'm currently wondering about how words a normal book even has. Early days still so praying about this and hoping that it's Gods plan as well.

Xxxxx Jo

03/07/12 - Exciting Day in the Life of Me

Time for one of my fail stories. This one is quite bad. 

Lets jsut start the story with a remainder that i am basically one handed at the moment. Anyways, today me and a friend decided to go to a Westfield's sort of near my school  in an attempt to figure what I want for my birthday and for one of my close friends birthday. It all starts at Kikki k, an over priced stationary shop for people who have perfect handwriting, basically not me. I dont often go in there when its not someones birthday adn i wouldnt normally because everythings so pretty and you jsut need the handwriting to suit it all. 

Anyways the funniest bit. As i walk around and stuff (must also say im holding a boost) i see this book which says open me. being the obliging person I am, i open it with my one free hand which also has my phone adn somehow manage to not grab the book properly making it drop, which then falls and makes soemthign else shatter. Its then I sadly look down and realise right before my feet is a shattered jar, book and just pens. The thing with trendy expensive shops like Kikki K is that there arent many people there and also that it is very quiet. So at this massive bang and shatter everyone turns and face us and its then we realise.. well theres no time to flee. 

I like to pride myself in the way that i hold myself in dodgy positions. In a way i have to because I always find myself in such dodgy positions. Anyways, Im standing while the woman rushes forward and immediately begins the you have to pay for whatever you break. What can you say but yeah okay sure. Let me say that in the end I ended up paying $9.95 for 15 small pegs after shattering the glass jar they came in. At least I got 5 cents change and she felt sorry for me after she realised I have a bad thumb. Now I have a collection of mini pegs which I really have no use for and Im seriously poor. I never cease to amaze myself with what I do and I can happily say I wont be back in Kikki K for a while and that when they say glass they really mean. 

If anything, message to take away is that 1. you really should be careful in shops (just like what you are taught as a child, it still applies once you grow up) 2. glass is really glass and yeah it actually shatters. Nothing more to say accept I lead an exciting life. HAHAHA

xxx Jo