I'm currently really hating my devotions. Mainly cos well all the things just apply to me. It's funny how I went from just realising my life is so screwed up at the moment and wanting just to survive the year and start fresh next year to reading about well how no matter how hard you try and how good your intentions it's Gods plan and not yours.
Something I was told today that really got me is that really think about what your living for. I mean deeply think. What do you think about before you sleep? What do you do or think first thing you wake up? For me it really has changed from God to other people and serving them and helping them.
Recently I've been going to bed late talking through people's problems and waking and replying to the many different messages I have to then planning things. What will happen here or what's going on with that. Inbetween this all I've really left God aside.
It's really simple stuff. Like I think this one person is worth missing out one day of devotion or i'll do this later right now I need to figure this out instead.
I've been asked so much recently why do you do all this and you realise you can't solve everyone's problems. Really today I trully have been thinking and just trying to figure it all out. It wasn't until I got to my devotions that it really got to me. Basically it was saying you can have the best intentions and everything but without God you won't be able to get anywhere.
In so many ways I've grown up knowing that I have to do something with my life; I have to live a life that makes a difference. For me I just really want to become that person that everyone admires and that you look at and go how do they do that; I want to be that person on top of everything and really has everything figured.
I like to always have something figured by the end of a post. I like to write something and say that it's all good and I've figured it out but I honestly for once haven't. I really don't know what to do and I really cannot physically take myself to drop something (this is probs some type of hoarding or disorder)
In many ways I feel like its my duty to go any problem you have here's an answer go fix yourself. I don't know anymore. I sometimes honestly wish I was in some South American country or some other place where Christians are discriminated against because in hard times you really go to God. I keep telling myself it's a challenge more in good times but yeah I haven't got an answer I just want to get it out and make it feel more official to myself.
If you have something I really beg you to think into it and really get to the bottom. I wasn't going to blog this but I feel like I need to share that no one is or will be perfect and that no matter how much you take on you really can't do it alone. You can blame it on so much like I blame my hate for reading making reading the bible and other Christian books a pain to read but at the end of the day it's truly your heart.
Xxxxx Jo
Ps. Good job on reading that all if you did. It's so long that I'm not gonna reread through it all.
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