Late night mind boggle

I have no idea what to say or how I feel but I guess I'm having one of those nights. It started with writing messages as I do at the end of the season and I guess it really hit me that after 3 years coaching this team that I don't know if I will be able to coach next season and just reflecting on how far each and everyone of them has grown over the time I've coached them has made me realise that time really does fly. 

It's crazy to think that 5 years ago now, I started high school.  I didn't even think I would survive the first year yet low and behold here I am 5 years later, finally in senior uniform, finally one of the people that knows what they're doing, one of the ones allowed out, one of the ones that junior make way for. Being the weirdo, I am it makes me reminisce and wonder what if I was to die today. 

It's exactly these thoughts that bring me back to my yr 5 thoughts, 7 years ago. I remember it was a time where I was so afraid of dying and of what was to come that I would be scared to sleep incase I never woke up and I feel in a sense now that if I was to die today there's so much that I have left to do and especially to say. Something i feel smart saying is that it's part of human nature to feel afraid of death. there's something scarily interesting about death. As I now remember reading about bog bodies and the scary nature in which they all died, I realise that death is scary yet we have this strange fascination.

For me however, these thoughts all lead back to God and I guess I really pray an open prayer I guess you call it now. That God will help me to let go and comfort me. Guide me to truly give up everything for him and to be unafraid of whatever he has for me. Teach me and mould me. Use me for whatever your purpose. I'm afraid. I'm scared of whatever it is you want me to do. But I know it's your plan, Lord. Help me to let go and to cling to your cross. Remind me why you are king and guide me and release my heart from being afraid. Glorify yourself through me. Amen