I've been called this a couple of times and I like to really think I'm not but I get called a drama queen. In SOME ways I understand but for the most I like up think I'm sane and normal.
As you probably know I've been taking the Olympics very seriously and today it was a combination of a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE loss ( which pains me to even talk about ), lack of sleep, HARD HARD maths homework and generally just getting lazy at everything which resulted in my signature dummy spat. Leaving paper crumbled around and random dents in books. What can I say but I wish I could drop maths.
Now as I lay in bed like I often do I find that well.. I sort of exaggerate everything FOR effect. So it's as I lie here vowing to make tomorrow a day not fixated on the Olympics, I realise yet again I'm stuck in a pattern of build-up of annoyance which leads to dummy spat which leads to some serious God begging time and that then leads to a few days or weeks max of trying to regain that perfect and amazing relationship with God. I find it quite sad that I'm stuck in this cycle. Continuously rejecting, returning, enjoying then rejecting again. Pretty much like the Israelites.
You often realise when your in this cycle. You sub consciously know but it's something you just push out. For me the last few days I've been growing further, less prayer time, less devotion and most significantly, it becomes a chore. I know I don't like to talk about my little fall into the pit when it happens but it's once you've been pulled out that I'll really talk about how without that comfort and protection I know I really couldn't handle a lot of the things I do.
I'm so thankful for this reason that we all have a God who is forgiving and loving. Someone who knows you've done wrong yet still loves you and comes back to you when you call for help. Now as I refocus on God I pray that all those who have just fallen or gotten off the straight road realign and just asked God for help and forgiveness.
Recently I've really REALLY been loving hillsongs cornerstone song. One sermon which really has stuck with me is about how God is our cornerstone. The first brick you put down on the corner and everything else is based around. It just makes you wonder what is your life based around? Is that really important? Most importantly will it perish? Is it gone once you die? Is it something that is forever with you, forever loving? For me it's for these reasons I return to God and I refocus everytime I fall, everytime I struggle on my own.
Xxxxx Jo
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